It has been a long time since I loved Yunho. He was completely at the back of my mind, distant, faint. Seeing his face doesn’t make my heart leap anymore. It doesn’t make my mind run wild of fantasies. It’s as if he’s just a wisp of cloud to me, something that I can dismiss with the wave of my hand. He was my bestfriend, my first love. But now things have changed. I perceive him the same way as my other friends, not anymore on the top of the pedestal I designed only for him.
Now, I have a new love. A new God who I can place on top of my pedestal. It didn’t come across as a shock to me that this new person is my new bestfriend. I do have a knack of developing patterns. Kim Jaejoong was always there for me whenever I break down because of Yunho. He would always have the right words to say to me. To speak frankly, he was the one who cured me with my addiction to Yunho. But one thing I know about cures is that they come with side effects. And Jaejoong has become one of them.
“Changmin-ah…” he would say to me as my head was on his shoulders crying, “you should stop thinking about Yunho. If he can’t return the love you offer him then he is not worthy of that love.”
“I-I’m so-sorry.” I said in between sobs. “You must be tired of hearing of the same thing over and over again.”
“Don’t be silly.” He said smiling. Although I can’t see his smile I can hear it in his words. “You have to remember this, I will always be here for you. I promise.”
He ended the last word with relish.
I laughed at his remark. It was so easy for him to make me feel better.
“Thank you Jaejoong-ah…for everything.” I added, trying to sum up the gratitude that I felt for him that time.
“As I’ve said…I will always be here. But if I hear Yunho’s name coming out of your mouth again as you are crying I swear to God that I will be mad at you. You have to move on from him.”
“I wish I’ve never fallen in love with him.”
“I know that. And it will take time. But you will be able to forget about him.”
“I hope so.” I sighed as I broke my hold on him.
“Let’s go to sleep. We have class in the morning.” And with that he turned his back from me and drifted off to sleep. I lay awake staring at the back of his neck not knowing at that time that my heart leapt and my dreams that night were filled with jaejoong.